Holley: Yeah, we were always on such similar paths. It was easy to be friends because our lives were so alike. But this has shown me that our friendship really is a lot deeper than that. We’re in totally opposite situations, but we’re still close. That means a lot. I would be really sad if we had let this come between us.

Heather: It’s amazing that this could actually help our friendship grow. I never would have expected that. It was hard to face it and work through it, but it’s been worth it.

Holley: One thing that has come out of this is that I’ve had fun learning from you. Like I said, we’ve always been on such similar paths. But now you can tell me about bottles, contractions, labor-and all kinds of fun stuff (laughter).

Heather: Yeah, and you can tell me about doctors, Chlomid, and cycles (laughter).

Holley: We do have some interesting conversations! I think we scare away any men who happen to be around!

Heather: I’m glad to hear you say that you actually like hearing about all that stuff. I’ve kind of worried about that and didn’t know if I should talk about it, so it’s good to hear you say that.

Holley: I think it just goes back to what we talked about earlier-being sensitive to each other and how we’re feeling that day.

Heather: One thing I also worry about is that if there’s something uncomfortable or wrong, I don’t want to tell you about it because I think you’ll say, “At least you’re pregnant! Deal with it!”

Holley: Yeah, deal with it! (laughter) No, I think it’s important for me to take a step back and say, “If I were in that position, I would feel the same way.” I think it’s important for both of us to remember we’re in different places, and we don’t know what it’s like for the other person. But we can still love and support each other.
So what would you say to other women going through this?

Heather: Acknowledge that it sucks. Keep talking. Empathize.

Holley: I think it’s also important to realize there’s not a “right” way. We both wanted the “perfect answer” for how to handle this and there isn’t one. Everyone is on a different journey-the important part is that you keep walking together.

Heather: At first it was really hard. But it has gotten easier. I think one of the most difficult things is just deciding that you’re going to deal with it, not avoid it. It would be so much easier to just pretend like things are fine or not spend as much time together. But that would hurt our friendship, and I don’t want that.

Holley: I feel the same way. There’s a quote we’ve talked about by Jill Churchill that says that the most important thing she’d learned was that “there is no way to be a perfect mother and a million ways to be a good one.” Because of this journey, I think we have our own version of that quote now, “The most important thing we’ve learned is that there was no way to be a perfect friend and a million ways to be a good one.”

Holley Gerth is a writer and creative manager for DaySpring, a subsidiary of Hallmark (http://www.dayspring.com). She just published her first book, The Greatest Shepherd of All. Holley shares her heart and home with her husband Mark and a very silly beagle/basset hound named Katie.

Heather Steck is a designer for DaySpring. In addition to working on greeting cards, she is also an artist who enjoys painting and creating stained glass pieces. She and her husband are very excited about welcoming their first baby, Micah, in February. Their feisty corgi, Tucker, is also looking forward to meeting his new playmate.