I was slowly squelching my husband with unreasonable expectations.  These constant comparisons kept me from looking at him as an individual.  I analyzed and criticized him based solely on how he related to me and to the people close to me.  My relationship with him wasn’t about being his friend and companion, but about how he measured up to Prince Charming.

My closest friends are the people with whom I am most vulnerable. We share our weaknesses openly without any fear of judgment or abandonment. If I expect to be intimate with my husband, he deserves the same consideration I would give my friends. But how do I keep from comparing my husband to the Prince Charming in my head? 

Prince Charming, I now see, is actually working against my marriage.  He whispers in my ear about my husband’s flaws, constantly trying to woo me from my spouse.  But I won’t let him.  I’ve decided to kill Prince Charming.  In order to be able to appreciate my husband, the perfect prince that lives in my head must be eliminated.

These are a few things I’ve begun to do in an attempt to be free from this troublesome Prince Charming:

• Avoid husband bashing.  I try to make friends with women who build up their husbands and avoid conversations that make sport of husbands. While I know it’s important to have good friends in whom I can confide when I’m frustrated in my marriage, I believe the best friends will support my marriage, and not just me, during those times.

• Dwell on his positives. Instead of stewing over his socks out in the living room floor, think about how he warmed up your car for you before you left for work.

• Don’t compare. Period. I will not compare my husband’s weaknesses to other men’s strengths.  Likewise, I won’t base my admiration of him on the weaknesses of other husbands. Comparison will only serve to make me jealous or cocky.

• If something or someone is a romantic distraction, then run!  Avoid it or them. There was a season when I stopped watching the TV show 24 because I couldn’t keep from comparing my husband to the hero, Jack Bauer. I watched with longing as Jack gently caressed the hair of his girlfriend, and then in the next minute risked his life to stop a nuclear holocaust. I knew that comparing my husband to this fictional character was ridiculous, but that didn’t stop my emotions from getting the better of me. I decided to stop watching the show.  It felt a little embarrassing to abstain from a TV show for this reason, but it helped my attitude towards my husband. By the way, I am now over Jack Bauer, and my hubby and I can watch the show together again.

Over these first few years of our marriage, I’ve come to realize that my husband is an amazing complement to me. When I’m insecure, he’s confident. When I work too hard, he takes me out to play. When I play by the rules too much, he helps me break them. When I’m judgmental, he’s full of grace. It’s beautiful.

I’ve come to find that I don’t really need a MacGyver, because I actually like trying to fix that sink myself. I’m the designer, and his indifference towards style gives me the freedom to do whatever I want with our home decor. I’m the shy one, and if he were reserved I wouldn’t have nearly as much fun (or as many friends).

The truth is: I couldn’t have possibly anticipated the qualities of the man that I would need. In hindsight, some of the traits I had wished for in a man would have only caused more frustration and less personal growth. Of course, the Prince Charming ideal still invades my thoughts on occasion, but he isn’t safe here anymore, and I’m continually finding ways to destroy him.  I’ve found something better. I’ve found a real person to appreciate.  I’ve found my husband.

I was slowly squelching my husband with unreasonable expectations.  These constant comparisons kept me from looking at him as an individual.  I analyzed and criticized him based solely on how he related to me and to the people close to me.  My relationship with him wasn’t about being his friend and companion, but about how he measured up to Prince Charming.

My closest friends are the people with whom I am most vulnerable. We share our weaknesses openly without any fear of judgment or abandonment. If I expect to be intimate with my husband, he deserves the same consideration I would give my friends. But how do I keep from comparing my husband to the Prince Charming in my head? 

Prince Charming, I now see, is actually working against my marriage.  He whispers in my ear about my husband’s flaws, constantly trying to woo me from my spouse.  But I won’t let him.  I’ve decided to kill Prince Charming.  In order to be able to appreciate my husband, the perfect prince that lives in my head must be eliminated.

These are a few things I’ve begun to do in an attempt to be free from this troublesome Prince Charming:

• Avoid husband bashing.  I try to make friends with women who build up their husbands and avoid conversations that make sport of husbands. While I know it’s important to have good friends in whom I can confide when I’m frustrated in my marriage, I believe the best friends will support my marriage, and not just me, during those times.

• Dwell on his positives. Instead of stewing over his socks out in the living room floor, think about how he warmed up your car for you before you left for work.

• Don’t compare. Period. I will not compare my husband’s weaknesses to other men’s strengths.  Likewise, I won’t base my admiration of him on the weaknesses of other husbands. Comparison will only serve to make me jealous or cocky.

• If something or someone is a romantic distraction, then run!  Avoid it or them. There was a season when I stopped watching the TV show 24 because I couldn’t keep from comparing my husband to the hero, Jack Bauer. I watched with longing as Jack gently caressed the hair of his girlfriend, and then in the next minute risked his life to stop a nuclear holocaust. I knew that comparing my husband to this fictional character was ridiculous, but that didn’t stop my emotions from getting the better of me. I decided to stop watching the show.  It felt a little embarrassing to abstain from a TV show for this reason, but it helped my attitude towards my husband. By the way, I am now over Jack Bauer, and my hubby and I can watch the show together again.

Over these first few years of our marriage, I’ve come to realize that my husband is an amazing complement to me. When I’m insecure, he’s confident. When I work too hard, he takes me out to play. When I play by the rules too much, he helps me break them. When I’m judgmental, he’s full of grace. It’s beautiful.

I’ve come to find that I don’t really need a MacGyver, because I actually like trying to fix that sink myself. I’m the designer, and his indifference towards style gives me the freedom to do whatever I want with our home decor. I’m the shy one, and if he were reserved I wouldn’t have nearly as much fun (or as many friends).

The truth is: I couldn’t have possibly anticipated the qualities of the man that I would need. In hindsight, some of the traits I had wished for in a man would have only caused more frustration and less personal growth. Of course, the Prince Charming ideal still invades my thoughts on occasion, but he isn’t safe here anymore, and I’m continually finding ways to destroy him.  I’ve found something better. I’ve found a real person to appreciate.  I’ve found my husband.