Eventually, Ashley decided to see her father. She still remembers the moment she first saw him across the grey visiting room of the prison. She said, “He walked over and hugged me so tight. We both just wept.” Ashley’s dad told her about his faith and how he had worked hard to change his life. He also told her he wanted to do whatever he could for her from prison. Ashley recalled how incredibly difficult it was to leave. She said with a voice full of emotion, “I was walking out the door to freedom, and he had to stay. Even though I hated what he had done, he was still my dad.”

That reconnection was a big step forward in the process of forgiveness for Ashley, but she still has to choose each day to forgive her father. While anger and bitterness threaten to slow her down, she says that her faith helps her forgive and gives her strength for each new step. She believes that forgiving her father not only sets him free, but also is the only way she can have peace and freedom for herself. Although Ashley hasn’t seen her dad recently, the two of them continue to communicate often through letters.

Pain is a teacher. As a marathon runner, Ashley has learned how to listen to her body. She knows when to stop and stretch or when to simply run through the pain. In the same way, she has discovered the pain in her past is also a teacher. It has helped her learn about who she is, and who she wants to become. She has learned when to reach out for help because she is really hurting and when to simply persevere through the day. “Loving other people isn’t always easy, especially when I’m hurting. But I know the pain can be a message that I need to reach out and keep choosing to love. That’s how healing happens.”

Everyone hits the wall sometimes. When runners get to the point where it feels like all of their resources are exhausted, it’s called “hitting the wall.” Ashley remembers getting to that point in her San Diego marathon. She said, “That’s when you have to be prepared mentally. You have to tell yourself not to give up, to keep going even when you don’t think you can.” Ashley has learned the same lesson in life. She says there have been many times when she has “hit the wall” emotionally. But it only takes one more step to stay in the race. 

The afternoon sun is coming through the windows as we finish our conversation and coffee. Ashley tells me about her plans for the future, her hopes for marriage, and her ongoing training for her next marathon. I ask her where she thinks she is in the marathon of forgiveness she is also running. “I think I’m in the middle,” she says, “I think that’s a race I’ll never really finish in this lifetime. But I’ve learned to enjoy the journey. It’s made me who I am.”

When Ashley told me about crossing the finish line in San Diego she finished the race smiling. As I look across the table at this brave woman, strong beyond her years, I know that’s just how she’ll finish her marathon of forgiveness too: arms raised in victory, breaking the ribbon with a smile on her face and better off for having the strength run.

Ashley Allen is a pseudonym for a kindergarten teacher and marathon runner who lives in the Southern US. She loves to scrapbook, decorate, drink coffee, and hang out with friends who ask good questions. Her dream guy would be a cross between Abraham Lincoln and Will Smith.

Holley Gerth is a writer and creative manager for DaySpring, a subsidiary of Hallmark. She just published her first book, The Greatest Shepherd of All. Holley shares her heart and home with her husband Mark and a very silly dog named Katie.