By Andrea Phillips

Discontentment probably creeps into every woman’s life at one point or another. We don’t feel as happy or as free or as fulfilled as we think we should. We have an image in our minds of what life should be like, and when we look around, we see that our reality falls short of what we imagine. Simply put, discontentment is a feeling of not being satisfied, of not having what we think we should have, of not being where we think we should be.

It doesn’t take tragedy or sorrow or suffering to create discontentment in us. It just takes dissatisfaction and a little time. We can generally overlook unmet expectations in the short-run, forgive the shortcomings of life for a little while.  But like the dairy products in our refrigerators, there is often an expiration date on our patience with disappointment. Delayed satisfaction sours our outlook and leaves us thinking that something has to change.

Doses of discontentment are a natural part of life and shouldn’t trouble us, but when we get to a point of deep, prolonged discontentment, then something should indeed change. In our haste to escape discontentment, however, we often change the wrong things, usually the obvious things, and end up no better off. I quit that job and get a better one. I get out of that relationship that challenges me. I resign from that difficult volunteer position.  I move away to a new place where I can have the life I’ve always wanted. I buy that house, join that spa, or get that facelift. The problem when we change the wrong things is that, after the novelty of the change has worn off, we find ourselves back in the same pit of discontentment again.  The true source of the discontentment hasn’t changed, only the packaging.
To really get at the source of discontentment, we have to make the right changes and we have to make them in the right order.

A is for Attitude
The first step toward finding contentment is to change your attitude. Attitude is a mental position with regard to a fact or state. It’s how we think about our circumstances. You may be thinking, “I know exactly what I think about my circumstances: They stink!” Rest assured that your feelings are valid. Changing your attitude doesn’t mean denying your feelings. Rather, changing your attitude means finding the truth in the situation apart from your feelings and letting the truth shape your feelings and your perspective.

It’s so easy to lose sight of what is true in our world today. TV and movies parade fictional ideas of reality before our eyes until our expectations are unreal. Advertising promises us that this product or that item will transform our lives. Pharmaceutical companies lead us to believe that any discomfort can be relieved with a pill. Credit cards have taught us that waiting for anything we want is ridiculous when we can have it now with no interest for ninety days. Our cars now automatically move the seats to fit our personal preferences. Together all of these things have led us to believe that life should be everything that we want it to be: immediately gratifying, pain free, and tailor-made to please each of us individually.

It’s no wonder we get discontent! Even when life is very, very good, it can’t measure up to what I’m told to expect. To combat discontentment, I first have to get a grasp on reality. What can I normally expect from life? We live in a time that allows us to secure health and comfort in so many more ways than the generations that went before us. But in our comforts, we have to remember that illness is a fact of life. Age will show on everyone’s face. Even wonderful people sometimes frustrate us. Our finances are limited. Relationships require work. And our jobs are called “work” for a reason. You and I cannot control everything that touches our lives. That’s the truth.

How do these truths shape my attitude?  They allow me to look beyond my immediate feelings to see a bigger picture. Rather than making decisions based on my feelings I can make decisions based on a foundation of truth. For example, once when I was frustrated in my job and ready to quit, I remembered that I had a purpose in taking the job in the first place. My feelings didn’t change that purpose. Remembering that purpose helped me see the job as worth doing even if I had to sacrifice some of my comfort. Over time, things improved, and I discovered benefits to the job that I would have missed had I quit. 

Even now, I can count a dozen or more things that I am dissatisfied with in my life. My thighs are too big, my savings account is too small, my dating life is stale, my job often feels limiting, and my house is thirty miles from the closest Starbucks!  When I consider each frustration from the perspective of truth, I realize that my frustrations are tremendously normal. Although I may not be happy about my circumstances, when my attitude is right, I can see beyond my feelings to evaluate my circumstances accurately and respond appropriately.