Practice What You Preach

If you’ve been a parent for any length of time, I don’t need to tell you that your children are expert imitators. The quickest way for them to learn a desired behavior is by observing you practicing that behavior. During the holidays, you can and should encourage your children to open gifts one at a time, pause, look the giver in the eye and say “thank you.” But they will catch on much more quickly when they see you sincerely expressing thanks through both your words and non-verbal messages, such as hugs. It may be helpful for you to think of a few key phrases that communicate genuine gratefulness in advance of the likely event that you will get an unexpected gift.  For example:  “Thank you so much for thinking of me,” “I know you worked hard on this,” or “I feel really loved by this gift.” Children learn how to receive gifts by watching their parents.  Your children are closely examining what you say, or sometimes more importantly, what you fail to say.

Another significant way to model being thankful is to make a list of all the basic things you have. Then share the list with your children, expressing thankfulness that you have all the things you need and more.  This could also be done as a family by writing the items on small strips of colored paper.  Spend an evening with the television turned off and have each family member write down the things he or she is thankful for. Then share them aloud and place each strip in a glass jar.  Seeing this physical representation could aid your whole family in being thankful for what they already have. Put the jar in a high traffic area to remind each person throughout the holiday season of the things they are blessed with.

Give to Those in Need

There will always be someone who has greater needs than you. The fact that you are reading this article in an on-line format says a lot about the level of wealth you already enjoy. The amount that you give doesn’t matter as much as the intentional act of giving itself. Our goal should be to foster excellent character in our children, not to get a huge tax break.  Like all gift giving, benevolence to those in need requires forethought. Planning ahead might look like purposefully putting a bag of coins or dollar bills in your wallet. Then when you go shopping during the holiday season, you can model generosity by dropping some money in various charities’ buckets as you enter shopping centers.  These small, teachable moments offer you the opportunity to remind your children of the good life they enjoy and to explain why we should give to those who are in need.

Include Children in the Gift Giving Process

Have you ever explained to your children what it means to give a gift? Children need help understanding that a gift is a message.  The message is this: “I love you.” There is more to it than that, but that message is a solid platform on which to build. After our children understand the foundation for why we give gifts, we can begin to teach them how to give meaningful gifts.

This past year I asked my son what he wanted to give his Dad for his upcoming birthday. We went shopping together, and much to my surprise, he selected a large, orange trick-or-treating pumpkin to give his dad for his birthday. His gift would never have been anything I would have suggested. But his Dad loved it because it was something his son thought of by himself, and our son experienced the joy of saying, “I love you” by giving a gift. Buying something at a store is certainly not the only option, though- homemade gifts are perhaps even greater treasures.  Gifts made at home can range from baked goods to hand-drawn pictures. The extra time required to include our children in gift giving is well worth the effort. When our children help to select and give a gift, it also helps them understand how to be a more gracious receiver.

An old, wooden board is nailed to the basement wall of my husband’s childhood home.  On it reside dark, penciled hash marks with the names of three little boys and various dates.  Although the basement was recently remodeled, my husband’s parents saved the board and left it standing proudly in its place at the foot of the stairs.  It marks their growth in height over the course of the years under that roof.  What if we could measure our children’s growth in gratitude in a similar way? What would that look like?  Listen carefully and you will hear their words of thanks in and out of season.  Look carefully and you will observe their frequent moments of generosity.  Watch closely as their warmth and graciousness attracts those around them to enjoy their company. As we daily teach and model gratitude in our families, we’ll begin to see the virtues of graciousness and generosity bloom in our children.

When Anna Johnson isn’t busy corralling her two kids, Samuel and Katherine, she teaches classes at John Brown University. Anna and her husband, Brian, live in Springdale, Arkansas.